i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
