i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
