Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
