I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
