Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
