Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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