Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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