I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
