The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
