i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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