I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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