you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
