He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just gift wrapped bread.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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