Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
