I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
