Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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