My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
