and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
