I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
