I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My first STD was from a foam party
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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