I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
