i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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