The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
