Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude i'm inner monologue high
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
