Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
