Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
