just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
