I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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