does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
is that a dick in a sweater?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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