i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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