It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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