thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
