so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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