six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
