I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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