He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
