Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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