i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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