i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
