Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
