i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
