I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
