...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
