I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
