My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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