Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
