yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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