Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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