I'm so fucking centered right now
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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