YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
