he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
