I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
