i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
